do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
