Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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