her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
