Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
