i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
