as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
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Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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