also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
