I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
