Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Randomize
