I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
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One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
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You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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