Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
