how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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