I just saw a hot homeless man
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The air was thick with penises
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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