I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
