He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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