were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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