Barsexuality is the new black.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
