people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
