check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
