party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
