i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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