put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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