If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
