I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
