dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
