it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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