waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
