does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
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I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
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Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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