I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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