On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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