im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
