Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
