addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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