Got a toothbrush?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
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