ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
