have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
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