Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
