You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
