it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
