I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
This show inspires me to have sex in space
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
