i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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