peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
