I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
