lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just found a bag of teeth...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
