We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
this will be a night to untag.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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