we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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