Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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