I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
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he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
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I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.