____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.