highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested