can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
