hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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