apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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