You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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