If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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