My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
We need to rekindle our bromance
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
