I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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