taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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