I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
