No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
