all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
