And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
