she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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