NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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