I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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