you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
