guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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