hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
