We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
