I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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