I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
