I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
