oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
