Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
