Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i think i have two assholes
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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