is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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