He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
