Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
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I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
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That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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