Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
