I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
