I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
