I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Semen is not good for contacts.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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