obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
