We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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