I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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