We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
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Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
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Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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