just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
you never un-have a 4some
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize