she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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