you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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