I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
