Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
