how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
