Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I can't turn off my feet"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
