she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
