After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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