He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
