Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
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i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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